Unexpected item in blagging area

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Unexpected item in blagging area: The nation’s being massively overcharged at the automated supermarket checkout thingy.

Staying on top of your weekly supermarket shop is tough enough for us common people in these difficult times – particularly when you’ve noticed you’ve been massively over-charged at the check-out blagging area.

But imagine how tough it is if you’re chancellor of the exchequer George Osborne. Ten minutes in the non-food section and, kerboom! Your credit card’s toast.

Happily, being chancellor and all, George keeps all his receipts just in case he’s asked any tricky questions in the House. Especially now he’s caning the cashback facility.

 

Autumn statement

However, everyone at today’s Autumn Statement (December 5) was completely flummoxed by the ‘Economic Growth’ entry on his latest receipt. So how did George explain that one?

“Well, it was a bit of a stretch,” said the pasty-faced chancellor with dead, Harry Flashman eyes. “Being chancellor and all, I get all my stuff home-delivered, but I can’t remember ever receiving any Economic Growth.

“In fact, if I’m honest, I’m not completely sure I actually ordered any. I might have dreamt it, because no one within or outside the House seems to have seen it.”

George was keen to fuel rumours that his jealous Housemate Ed Balls had signed for the delivery before secretly locking the Economic Growth away in his Cabinet.

 

Socks

But the chancellor wouldn’t comment on suggestions that the supermarket had, in fact, sent 2.5bn packs of Yves Laurent socks as a substitute for Economic Growth, which is currently in very short supply.

“All I’m prepared to say is that we’re due a bumper stack of Clubcard vouchers this month, which we’ll use at some point over the next five years to help hard-working families,” he said.

“It’s the least I can do. The very least, in fact. But, as they say, every little counts.”

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peterbatt

Peter a journalist with 30 years experience of freelance writing, UK national newspaper and magazine production roles, and business development. In 2007, he developed and launched a mainstream-style green consumer magazine in the UK, called GreenerLiving, as a means of promoting sustainable change ‘within the system’. GreenerLiving closed during the post-crash recession, but Peter went on to become managing editor of the international ethical business title, Ethical Performance. However, Peter felt that the CSR sector has not succeeded in changing corporate priorities anywhere near fast enough, and so I decided to leave the treadmill of corporate employment and debt accumulation to focus on my own projects. Now poorer but a billion million times happier, he writes on political, economic and social issues – usually seriously, but sometimes as satire. He's currently writing Psychopath Economics, a book about the logic of social and economic power, belief systems, and the rise and fall of societies. Peter is convinced that ordinary people must educate themselves and exercise their economic leverage if we are to avoid social and environmental destruction.

peterbatt has 165 posts and counting.See all posts by peterbatt

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