Staying on top of your weekly supermarket shop is tough enough for us common people in these difficult times – particularly when you’ve noticed you’ve been massively over-charged at the check-out blagging area.
But imagine how tough it is if you’re chancellor of the exchequer George Osborne. Ten minutes in the non-food section and, kerboom! Your credit card’s toast.
Happily, being chancellor and all, George keeps all his receipts just in case he’s asked any tricky questions in the House. Especially now he’s caning the cashback facility.
However, everyone at today’s Autumn Statement (December 5) was completely flummoxed by the ‘Economic Growth’ entry on his latest receipt. So how did George explain that one?
“Well, it was a bit of a stretch,” said the pasty-faced chancellor with dead, Harry Flashman eyes. “Being chancellor and all, I get all my stuff home-delivered, but I can’t remember ever receiving any Economic Growth.
“In fact, if I’m honest, I’m not completely sure I actually ordered any. I might have dreamt it, because no one within or outside the House seems to have seen it.”
George was keen to fuel rumours that his jealous Housemate Ed Balls had signed for the delivery before secretly locking the Economic Growth away in his Cabinet.
But the chancellor wouldn’t comment on suggestions that the supermarket had, in fact, sent 2.5bn packs of Yves Laurent socks as a substitute for Economic Growth, which is currently in very short supply.
“All I’m prepared to say is that we’re due a bumper stack of Clubcard vouchers this month, which we’ll use at some point over the next five years to help hard-working families,” he said.
“It’s the least I can do. The very least, in fact. But, as they say, every little counts.”